Things expats should just stop saying…

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via whenyouliveinberlin

We get it, you’re new here and you try your luck for like a year right now with your great art/start-up-vision, that you will finance by working in a bar, after you spend all your savings on drugs and socializing in the local club scene. But please, take this list of things expats should stop saying as worthy of consideration in your everyday life in a city, that may not be always welcoming to you:

Is beer really cheaper than water? You must be kidding me!

It is, because the tap water is the one with the best quality you can get here. You might prefer your Sterni for a while, but as soon as you do your first detox (which means you actually arrived in Berlin) you’ll appreciate that.

I can’t live anywhere else than Neukölln!

Well, you will have to ‚cause rents are astronomical.

Are you from Berlin?

No, nobody is. If you find someone, treasure this person. It’s a rare and shy species.

Please teach me some German!

Ok, you can actually say this but if so, please mean it.

I’m looking for a flat.

Well, you look for a flat next to all your friends „Kiez“, which reduces the available rooms to a rather small amount.

Berlin is such an amazing city.

Isn’t the whole point of being in Berlin, that this is/was a city where everybody hates to live but actually loves it? Isn’t Berlin the epicentre of self-hatred humbleness (among Berliners) and grumpy arrogance (towards outsiders)? If you really love Berlin, you’d better hate it.

Do you wanna go out? I have some friends visiting and I want to show them around.

Just no.

How much tips should I give?

If you pay a beer with a 50 or 100 Euro bill, it’d better be a lot. Otherwise check here.

It’s so easy to get along here, everybody speaks English!

And gossips in German.

Why does this job require German? That’s discrimination!

Let’s just hope your visa doesn’t expire before you realize what you just said, so you can apologize.

Y is just the best X in Berlin.

Superlative doesn’t work here, unless you’re a food blogger and you are about to get free X for the rest of your life.

Is winter really that cold?

No, it’s worse. Seriously. Not kidding.

I’m looking for a job.

Are you? Or are you just finding a new excuse for bar hopping?

I’m broke.

We all are in perpetuity. That’s called living standard here.

You have to come to my goodbye party.

Oh well, maybe I should stop saying „I’ll definitely visit you“ then.

Feel free to share these advices so we can cut the crap and start the dirty talk.

Kommentar (1)

  1. Klaus Kenner

    so eine fotzenscheiße rede deutsch du missgeburt

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